Training for Life: Learning to Love

I’m in training: I am learning. Training for Life: Learning to Love.

The theme I’ve been teaching to during May is Held by the Things We Hold On To. It invited us to recognise that the things we cling to in search of safety and certainty can often become the very things that bind us.

The yoga sutra connected to this theme speaks about the five kleshas (false identity; egotism; strong likes; strong dislikes and our fear of death) that Patanjali describes as obstacles to attaining a state of yoga — a state of inner peace, ease and contentment.

Initially, I interpreted the theme as being about letting go. Creating freedom from the things that constrain us physically, emotionally and mentally. Releasing habits, fears, stories and attachments that keep us stuck. It is beginning to teach me. There is a lot of ease that comes into life if we can do that.

But yesterday, a couple of things in my day caused me to flip the question. Instead of asking what do I need to let go of? I began asking: what do I want to hold on to?

Sometimes in life, it is easier to move towards something we love than simply away from something painful or familiar. A new job that excites us has far more energy than merely escaping work that drains us. It is easier to leave a house when we have already seen our next dream home. And often it is love itself that gives us courage to step into a new chapter of life. an just habitual? A pull towards joy is often stronger than a push away from discomfort. Nobody can let go of absolute everything. I’ve lived that personal history and it almost broke me. We all need to hold onto something, but how do we know which things are true rather than just habitual?

So amongst all the noise, time pressure and information overload of modern life, it is worth just stopping for a while, to breathe deeply, and to ask ourselves: What /who do I want to truly hold close? What/who truly nourishes me? What/who brings me back to ease and calm in the ups and downs of life?

Because when we become clearer about what really matters, we naturally begin to loosen our grip on what doesn’t.

Yesterday I went to visit a very dear friend. I have known her since I was 18, making her my oldest and longest friend. We spent weekends together when we had young families (its easier to relax with somebody when you both have screaming toddlers). We shared ordinary things that became the fabric of a lifetime. We are the same age. Our children are the same age. And now, so are our grandchildren.

The difference is, she is dying.

We sat together and talked for two hours. We updated each other about our children, my travels, her husband’s business and forthcoming retirement. And then I asked her what brings her joy now.

Her answer came without hesitation: seeing her grandchildren.

Love.

Not achievement. Not possessions. Not anything from her past. Not status.

Connection. Presence. The simple blessing of being together.

And what she is holding on to most deeply is hope.

Driving to see her, I listened to a podcast from my own teacher chatting with his wife about yoga. It reminded me about the pillars of health. As I reflected afterwards, it struck me these are the things worth holding on to as foundations for a joyful and meaningful life.

The four pillars:

• Sleep
• Nutrition
• Exercise — including yoga, breath and meditation
• Social connection, including LOVE.

And I would add one more: purpose. Something meaningful that gently draws your life forward. Something that gives energy to your actions and warmth to your spirit. Sometimes our purpose is simply to love well.

How do we practise this through yoga?

Firstly, yoga is about how we live our lives, not simply what we do on the mat. And when we come to the mat — when we practise the asana, the breathing, the meditation — we are not performing. We are not trying to perfect poses: we are simply practising. Practising meeting ourselves with kindness. Practising softness instead of struggle. Practising how to live with a little more fluidity, compassion and ease. Turning from anxiety and doubt, to love.

The same podcast offered a mantra I would love to share with you:

“I’m in training: I am learning.”

So often it is our own inner criticism that prevents us from feeling at ease. As adults doing something, we expect ourselves to already know, already achieve, already be better. But what if we allowed ourselves to simply be learners?

To be human. To be unfinished. To be gently growing.

If we can truly enter practice mode — in yoga and in life — perhaps we can replace self-judgement with curiosity, criticism with compassion, pressure with permission.

Permission to learn. Permission to wobble. Permission to begin again.

In June we will be practising on a theme of loving and allowing ourselves to be loved. The sequence and cues are designed to help us practise moving with greater fluidity and ease: to feel more settled within our nervous system. The physical focus is opening our front body, teaching us to open our hands, our shoulders, our heart centre, our vulnerability to the potential of love.

Because the deeper practice is learning what is truly worth holding on to:

love, hope, connection, presence, and each other.